320 days left

DAY 45

I woke with my mind all made up that I wouldn’t go to collect food stamps. It was just NOT me! I was still angry and annoyed by my situation. Well, I got dressed and realized that I couldn’t ignore it. I dropped off my kids at school and began walking. I got to the offices and it was the most uncomfortable feeling ever. It is a horrible experience. If you’ve never been to one of these offices, then let me tell you. You get in a line in order to go through security. Did you know that you are not allowed to bring throwing stars into those offices? Do they actually think that ninja warriors will attack them!? Then, you get into another line to let them know why you’re there. They give you this tiny piece of paper. You fill it out and then you get in line AGAIN! They give you an application to fill out. You then wait, and wait, and WAIT! You wait with other people who I’m sorry to say but who are the lowest. Yes, there is a different type of world and I just became one of them. I realize that I don’t belong there. I’m an educated woman with a B.A., and after what seemed like a lifetime there my new case worker calls my name. I walked across the waiting room, then follow her through a corridor with tiny rooms intended to be used as offices. I became so intimidated. We were there to discuss my life, my pathetic life. I had to lay out my failing marriage, and how financial inept I had become. I think that being in that situation placed me on an unnatural place in my life. It felt like I was begging this person to give me money to feed my kids. Any shred of dignity jumped out of me out of disdain and took off running leaving a sad and empty casing of what used to ME. Eventually, she approves of my situation and sets another appointment for me to come do this all over again. I was wishing at that moment that I had brought all the required documents so I would never have to return to that place. Oh by way that place is also the same place where you go to apply for medi-cal, child support, and I guess other needs.

TODAY’S LESSONS:

*Sometimes you have to push your pride away in order to provide for your kids.

*Be prepared!

*Look for the positive things that begin from negative situations.

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