319 days left

DAY 46

I’m beginning to feel that my week is going to be an interesting one. Let’s see what’s occurred so far: My husband and I are having marital problems, I had to go and apply for food stamps, and my kids are beginning to feel sad seeing their parents sleep in different rooms. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t know what was going through my husband’s head. I was getting more and more frustrated. I haven’t been able to sleep. I have a sore body, increasing headaches, and too many sleepless nights. I felt like my life was going out of control. Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I woke up today with my mind made up.

I chose to stop dwelling on my situation. I no longer want to cry myself to sleep. I needed to start taking action. I refused to let my marriage end, especially like this. When my husband came home I pushed my pride aside again, and spoke to him in a straight-forward matter. Many marriages, even mine, have those really bad arguments that go on and on all because of a lack a meaningful conversation. Yeah, I know…it’s confusing!

I asked him if he was still moving out and if so he needed to let the kids know. Know this, I didn’t scream and didn’t go in a demanding form. He actually told me that he didn’t want to move out. He apologized. We spoke about what caused the fight, what frustrated us, what are our triggers, and most importantly…how to help each other. We came up with solutions and also discussed preventive measures to dodge any future arguments. Talk about a long conversation. I cried. I repeated myself over and over. He voiced his opinions. He expressed his stress factors. It all made sense. We’ve been fighting like this ever since that dreaded day, the day my dad committed suicide. I can’t fix it and neither can he.

Sometimes, healing takes longer for some than others and it also comes in different forms. My dad’s death brought me sadness, but to my husband it brought him a different form of anger. When my dad’s body was discovered, I wasn’t allowed to see him until my husband pull his body off from the chain he hanged himself. I never thought he would be this affected.

Well, days of separation and life-changing moments can be extremely tiring. Depression, anger, and even the refusal of one’s own happiness uses up so much energy that it takes a real toll on your body. We became a family again and it was like a huge load was lifted off our shoulders. The best part was our kids’ behaviors. They were elated to see us as a happy couple again. The five of us ended up in the same bed laughing together. It’s easy to give up but not as fulfilling. I think many people just give up because they won’t give up their pride and usually chose to ignore the love for each other. I was mad but I still knew that WE are STILL in LOVE with EACH OTHER.

TODAY’S LESSONS:

*Fight for your love until there is no more love.

*Fights should end in solutions to prevent them.

*Love is worth humbling yourself.

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