192 days left

Day 173

These 365 days seem to be getting slower, but it will soon be over. What would have I accomplished? We live our lives day by day that life just passes us by. I don’t want my life to be meaningless. I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking, and I’ve been getting pretty spiritual. I guess I’m always asking the question that everyone has asked at least once in their life. Why am I here? What great purpose was I created to do and be or whatever?

I’ve had a pretty messed up life, so where does that put me. Well, if I begin to look back then I know that I’ll just end up getting myself all depressed and emotional. Yeah, I don’t want to do that. The question then becomes what have I learned from all my sufferings? I know that I have made many mistakes regarding every kind of decision that I’ve made. I feel that my face has gotten pretty comfy with the ground, since I’ve ended up there so many times from falling. I guess humility is a major characteristic greatly imbedded in my being. I’m learning to think of others whenever I have to make a decision, and it’s not easy. Sometimes, I REALLY want to be selfish and just think of myself. Then…I realize that after attaining years of wisdom in this area that I rather not be selfish because it will only hurt me. Whenever I ever do anything for others out of kindness of my heart my life seems to thrive with happiness.

Selfishness is awesome for only that very short moment in life when you feel yourself above others, but it is short-lived. It’s like craving a bag of chips. You know you shouldn’t have any of it. You open it….and YUM…so delicious! Yes, pure happiness! You just want to indulge in it but for how long. It is only a matter of time that you over do it with the chips that guilt…and maybe a stomache…kicks in and the consequences are right there to put you back on track. So not worth it! Wanting to only satisfy yourself isn’t all that. I rather deny myself just of those selfish cravings and have the joy that comes from being there for others. Yeah, maybe others may disagree but I’ve fallen too many times to think otherwise.

Wow, I didn’t realize that this post was going to be all that deep. When I logged on all I thought was updating my blog with the events that have occurred to me this month. Sorry, but I had to stop myself halfway through myself inner ranting. I don’t like being a boring person and when I rant like that it just want to tell myself, “blah, blah, stop jabbering on already.” I guess I like to think of the more positive aspects of my life right now.

Back to life: My oldest daughter is on a field trip today. I have my son’s IEP tomorrow. My youngest daughter is finally losing her baby teeth. I was just offered a nanny position by my friend…I’ll be meeting the little man today. He’s about 5 weeks old. We just did our taxes and I’ll be able to pay back my debt. We even have enough to go on our annual-spring break-wedding anniversary Vegas trip. Life is in our home is beginning to flourish. Happy times!

I’ve been thinking that these happy times need to be captured and be embraced while there here. One of my goals this year is capture those moments by photography. I need to take photos of my little ones and my family’s joyful moments and document them by month. It’s always nice to see how we’re all growing, physically and emotionally.


* Learn to think of others.

* Don’t dwell on the past, but learn from it.

* Humility over selfishness usually wins.

* Multi-task…help others and be happy!

* Savor your happy moments, and share them.

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