326 days left

DAY 39

Yesterday, I didn’t mention that I had a disagreement with my husband. I think he caught me in a bad mood. Sometimes, I feel that I’m living as a single parent. When I got married, my husband and I, both agreed that we would share the responsibilities. It’s frustrating when I’m the only one concerned if the kids did their homework, showered, did their chores, brushed their teeth, and most of all if they are going to bed on time. They kids will be fighting in front of him and he’ll just continue playing games on his computer. I’m sorry that I’m venting but sometimes it’s good for me. I don’t understand! I know that I lost my job and I haven’t been able to find another one. I don’t think it should be my punishment to do all of it on my own.

I think it’s all emotional baggage that has been accumulating. Years ago, my husband had lost his job. I still remember that I worked full-time during the day, went to college during the afternoons full-time, had a part-time job on the weekends, did all meals, drop-off the kids at school, helped the kids with their homework, did the chores, and still had time study and get A’s. Now, where was my husband during all this…in front of the TV. I never pressured him because he did go pick up the kids and stayed with them versus having a babysitter. I tried to be an understanding person and know that it must have been difficult for him to lose his job and pride, but come on!

I’m sorry, but going back to yesterday. I guess a day of cleaning, cooking, and having the kids home really got me just a little stressed out. I guess once in awhile I see life as unfair, but having your spouse not back you up can be quite disappointing.  Yes, I understand he also had a long day at work but being a parent doesn’t stop just because you’re tired. He agreed to be a parent, which means that he is binded by an emotional parental contract, which states that he has to look over his children 24/7. Ok, ok, I know that I’m being overdramatic, but if couples work together then the duties get split up…and it becomes a sort of tag team, like in wrestling, lol.  Life would be so much easier. Now, imagine men actually working together with their wives instead of against them…..happier wives, happy home!

Well, anyway, I feel better. I told you venting would make me feel better. Take note, I’m venting to strangers and not family…big difference! Venting to family only creates even more problems. So now you’ve heard what happened, why it happened (woman’s point of view) and now I’m going to tell you how it’s resolved. Yes, I know that I picked the fight, so today I sent my husband a text. I told him that I was sorry, and that I missed him. Happy couple!

Why did I apologize? Women’s and men’s brains are not wired the same. I’ve been with my husband for over 12 years and we’ve never been happier, and I’ll tell you why. Through my venting you can see my illogical thoughts. Now, stepping away from my way of thinking I needed to see his point of view. Basically, he had NO clue what hit him. I was stressed and let him have it…all my rage and frustration. I made him my target without giving him a clue as to what had just happened. I did some reflecting and realized that I could have asked, nicely, for his help. Knowing him, he would have gladly said yes. I had pounced on him before giving him a chance. I had to humbly push away my selfish needs and realize that I had initiated this argument, so it was I that had to apologize. Many times, women blame the man for everything and refuse to acknowledge that they can also be at fault. So many marriages fail because neither spouse wants to be wrong and much less to apologize.

 

TODAY’S LESSONS:

*Venting is good, but NOT to family.

*Learn to see the other person’s point of view.

*Learn to acknowledge when you’re wrong.

*Apologize when you’re at fault.

*Choose your battles wisely.

*Ask for help.

*Don’t demand or expect others to think the way you do.

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