348 days left

DAY 17:

Building a close friendship with your own child is so rewarding! I used to find it difficult to fit in everything I needed to do in a day. Ever since I decided to better myself, life has become more constant and easier (not easy, though). Prioritizing my daily goals for the day, keeping to my routine, and carefully balancing those around me has giving me the liberty to live my life more at ease.

My lows…my body still hasn’t fully recovered. I’m still achy and tired. It’s a daily struggle to keep up with my routine versus taking a nap or just putting it off for another day. I guess my body and mind are still trying to be at sync with each other.

My high…I enjoy my daily conversations with my kids and family. I’ve been trying to connect in a deeper level with all my family members, even though it’s not easy. My oldest daughter is in 8th grade, and beginning her teenage life…I’m already seeing the subtle changes. Although, I have daily arguments with her they are minimizing more each day. I’m trying so hard to connect with her and I’m learning what a wonderful child she has become. I’m becoming more grateful to have her as my own and in turn she’s smiling more. It has always been hard to connect with her the most. I had a severe case of post-partum depression when she was born, and didn’t bond with her like I did with my other kids. I’ve always struggle more to show her affection. It takes a lot of my energy and strength to express my love for her. I actually have to remind myself to do so. I don’t want her growing up an angry child because her mom didn’t give her enough attention like her siblings. I’m ashamed to say that I lack the enthusiastic outward show of affection towards her. Why didn’t anyone prepare me for this when I was pregnant with her, my first-born? I never thought that the “so-called Post-Partum Depression” would ever have long-term consequences! I used to hide my depression, and never asked for help, but I’m glad that I can have the opportunity to change. I don’t want this to linger anymore. I make the decision to talk to her every day, and to listen. I want to make her smile, to hear her laugh, and share amazing memories with her. It does take a lot of effort on my part, but I rather work for it instead of regretting it.

TODAY’S LESSONS:

*Don’t hide your depression, because it DOES affect others!

*Spend quality time with my kids, especially my oldest!

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