My day began rather well, until I began organizing/file some old bills. Somehow between those old envelopes, I found one particular piece of mail that brought up some deep emotions. It was a letter from the coroner. My dad committed suicide last year on Labor Day. It was a very traumatic event in my life, and just seeing that letter opened a floodgates of tears. It stopped my momentum, and kept me from finishing my tasks. I had held those emotions for this long, and all of a sudden they came out. My emotions took over me and my world seemed to slow down. I felt so weighed down. I couldn’t focus and it just took over me. All I kept trying to focus on my kids. I needed to pick them from school in less than an hour, and my face was red and swollen. I finally composed myself. I turned on the T.V. and allowed myself to zone out for the remaining time.
My children were able to keep me focused on my routine. I had been able to keep it from them, but I don’t really know if it’s healthy for me. I’ve always thought of myself as a very strong person, but today tested me in a different way. Routines work out, but emotions are a factor that I couldn’t imagine would manipulate my body in such a way. Hopefully, I can work this out sometime this year. Other than that, the rest of the day went well, too. Crying can be also be healing, so it’s all good…I just wish my emotions would make an appointment before jumping into my routine.
*Learn to share my sad moments with others…it helps to cry on someone’s shoulder, and not alone.
*If I do cry alone, then talk about it…it’s a healing process!