363 days left

DAY2:

I’ve known that heat, hunger, and my claustrophobia bring the worst in me. I am constantly lecturing my kids on being responsible and not procrastinating…I guess I should’ve paid attention to my own advice.

Having children will sometimes bring out the worst in any parent, and today with added heat…it just got to me. Although it happened for only about two minutes, I screamed at them and accused my husband of not helping me solve a simple incident. What had just happened? I went from a calm demeanor to a raging mad woman. The kids had locked their bedroom door from the outside, and with no key to reopen it. I tried every key in the house that I could, but to no avail. I then proceeded to try and break down that damn door. Why couldn’t I open it? Instead of stopping myself to cool down, I let my raging hormones get the worst out of me. Well, eventually, I calm down and voila the door opened with a bit of nudging. If any of my friends would have seen that scene, they would never believe that I was the same person they know.

So…What’s the point to this incident and my lecture to my kids!? Sometimes, I know but choose to dismiss my faults too many times. I definitely know that overheating can be detrimental to my relationship with my family. I know that I can get quite mean, but without meaning to. I am not a mean person, and I don’t want to teach my kids that anger is alright by any means. I should’ve taken responsibility of my behavior and given myself some time to tackle the task before arming myself with frustration and anger. Looking back at that moment, I know I should’ve asked for help. I can’t allow myself to make decisions when patience isn’t part of my decision-making process. My procrastination in putting aside and ignoring my faults only aid in my destruction. My path isn’t to step all over my family. It’s to lift them up.

Remember when I said, “…things happen for a reason (day 1).” I believe we are all part of each other to teach us life’s lessons. My beautiful children have been teaching me that I am still a child inside trying to learn how to manage my choices. I didn’t grow up with parents that led me in the right path. It’s necessary that I take advantage of every teachable moment to better myself.

What have I learned today? It’s hard to say because acknowledging my flaws so straight out in the open have brought up shameful and embarrassing feelings. I know that we all have a secret side of them that most don’t know, or will ever know. I’m trying so hard to change myself, but I can’t keep hiding in the dark. Even if it means some finger pointing towards my flaws, I want to bring myself to the light for everyone to see….forcing me to acknowledge those flaws and flip them to the point of redemption. I hope that in next few months that I find those pesky faults in my personality and transform myself to a stronger and more peaceful self.

Today’s Lessons:

*Don’t Procrastinate

*Don’t ignore my faults…recognize/Identify my flaws!

*Find a way to prevent them from getting the best of me.

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